holdouttrout

annerbhp made a gratuitous icon post and demanded we write her fic.

syxp complied first, and then I wrote a follow-up. (Her's is all kinds of subtly hot, so go read it.)

So here are mine.

First, we have Jack and Sam making a Very Important Decision: how are they going to avoid getting in trouble this time?

"Amnesia-inducing mind control?"

Sam didn't have to think about it. "Three weeks ago."

"Damn. That worked out pretty well last time," Jack said.

Sam smiled, just a little goofily as she remembered just how well that had worked. "Yeah."

Jack smiled goofily back for a second and then said, "Uh...malfunctioning Ancient device?"

Sam tapped her fingers on the top of the sleeping bag. "I'm not sure Hammond really blieved that one last time."

"We do use it a lot," Jack said. He ran the back of a finger down Sam's side, causing her to shiver and roll closer to him. She put a hand on his hip to draw circles on his skin, which was his excuse for what came to mind next. "Aliens."

Sam's hand stilled. She lifted her head. "Aliens?"

Jack thought quickly. "Yes. Aliens."

Sam said, "Aliens...made us have sex."

"Yes!" Jack said, relieved that she thought it worth repeating.

Sam was quiet for a minute, and then she started shaking. It took Jack a moment to realize she was laughing. She said, "That is the silliest excuse you've come up with, and I'm including 'beer.'"

"Hey!" Jack rolled onto his side. "That was a very valid excuse." Knowing she wouldn't let it go, he decided to distract her by kissing her neck, right below her ear.

Sam sighed, so he did it again, then moved along her jaw toward her mouth. Just before he captured her lips, she said, "We still have to think of a--"

"Later," Jack said, and ended the discussion.

And then the follow-up, because traycer_ asked why they hadn't used the "old standby, "Something in the drink they gave us sir. I swear!"" excuse.

"It was something in the drink they gave us, sir, I swear!" Colonel O'Neill said. He looked anything but innocent. His hair was completely disheveled (not unusual, Hammond had to admit), his uniform was--well, it had seen better days, and he had a hickey on his neck--one that incidentally matched the one on Major Carter's neck.

Hammond got ready to yell, perfectly aware that Major Carter was taking the opportunity to surreptitiously re-button her jacket. He gave a small inward sigh. Jacob was going to kill him. Or Jack. Maybe both.

Jack had noted his delay and had started to look hopeful. That just wouldn't do. Hammond took a deep breath. "Colonel!" Both Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter jumped, and Hammond allowed himself to feel a little bit of satisfaction. "I never--ever--want to hear that excuse in my office again. Either you learn to control yourselves or you will have to do without alien moonshine, liquor, or...water on your missions! Is. That. Clear?"

Major Carter somehow managed to cringe back while standing perfectly rigid. Colonel O'Neill just looked guilty.

"Yes, sir," he said finally. Hammond let it stand for both of them.

"Report to the infirmary and have Dr. Fraiser document this...incident," Hammond said, his volume closer to normal. "Dismissed."

Both of the officers gave a crisp attention and left. After the door was shut, Hammond collapsed into his chair and sighed. Those two would be the death of him, someday.