![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Well, the Aliens Made Them Do It rec list was what I'd call a success. I'll try to post the next list sometime next week.
In other business, I need prompts.
I already have one, from my good friend KR, who's already sick and tired of me writing Stargate fics instead of Han/Leia: Write a fic in which Jack suddenly becomes female and Sam and him have an awkward moment.
Yes. I was told to write genderswap fic. By someone who didn't know there was a phrase for that sort of thing.
It's revenge, I tell you. Revenge.
So, unbetaed, written WAY past my bedtime. I'm making no promises except that there's absolutely nothing particularly scandalous about this fic at all.
But really, I'll take at least one prompt from anyone who cares to give it.
In other business, I need prompts.
I already have one, from my good friend KR, who's already sick and tired of me writing Stargate fics instead of Han/Leia: Write a fic in which Jack suddenly becomes female and Sam and him have an awkward moment.
Yes. I was told to write genderswap fic. By someone who didn't know there was a phrase for that sort of thing.
It's revenge, I tell you. Revenge.
So, unbetaed, written WAY past my bedtime. I'm making no promises except that there's absolutely nothing particularly scandalous about this fic at all.
Sam, Daniel, and Teal'c looked worried as they made their way down the ramp. Behind them, the wormhole's event horizon shimmered.
General Hammond greeted them as they stepped down from the metal grating. "Where's Colonel O'Neill?"
Inexplicably, Daniel snickered. Sam gave him a glare. Teal'c raised an eyebrow.
Teal'c answered for them. "O'Neill was reluctant to return."
Hammond frowned and opened his mouth to speak.
Just before he said anything, another figure stepped through the 'gate.
She was wearing BDU's that looked just slightly too big for her, and her boots made clomping noises as if her feet were loose inside. Her hair was short for a woman, and peppered with grey. Her face was lined, slightly, as if she spent a lot of time...not smiling. As she came down the ramp, Hammond nearly gave the order for the SFs to get ready, but something in her eyes made him pause.
"Jack?" he said incredulously.
Daniel snickered again.
Jack glared. "General. We have a problem." His--her--voice was still gruff, but much higher than normal.
Everyone in the room had dropped any pretense of not staring.
Hammond shook his head, opened his mouth to say something, and stopped. He sighed. "You better go to the infirmary."
Jack looked resigned. "Ya think?"
*_*_*_*_*
Half an hour later, Janet was busy running tests and SG-1 was gathered in the briefing room.
Daniel was filling in the story while Jack twirled a pen absently, scowling at the polished wood.
"...so, the inhabitants refer to this as a great blessing, and they assured me it was a temporary thing."
Jack raised his head. "It better be. This is...uncomfortable."
Daniel said, "Yes, well, Geran seemed to think that this...change...would last for several days. Maybe weeks. According to him, no one's been "honored" this way for generations. It's really fascinating--their most revered poet of the last century had apparently had this happen to her and wrote many works about the experience. She said it was quite unique."
Sam said, "Just think, sir. This could be a once in a lifetime opportunity to--"
"Ah!" Jack raised his hand, "Carter, if you so much as reference "What Women Want," I'm going to demote you."
Carter subsided. Teal'c said, "I thought that was a most enjoyable movie, O'Neill."
Jack stared. For that matter, so did Hammond.
Hammond finally spoke up. "Okay. I'm gonna have to confine you to base, Colonel, until you return to normal. And, I suppose we'll have to...work around this, somehow."
Jack looked unhappy.
"I'm sure Janet will do everything possible to speed up your recovery. Dismissed."
*_*_*_*_*
Over the next six days, the base gradually got used to seeing Jack ("If I so much as hear someone say the name Jacqueline in my presence I'll kick their ass.") barking orders and generally skulking around. In fact, by the seventh day, people were so used to his appearance that Sam's assistant barely even gave him a second glance as she passed him in the hall. And that, Jack suspected, was mostly because his hair, while perfectly normal on a man, was too short, even for the most daring women. He was actually a little concerned about that. And more concerned he was concerned.
He entered Sam's lab.
"Sending your assistants home but not going yourself, I see."
Sam looked up. "Sir! I was just finishing--"
"Yeah, yeah. Save it for someone you can still fool. What'cha up to, Carter?"
Sam pointed to a piece of equipment in front of her. "This is a jamming device. At least, we *think* it's a jamming device. When it was on earlier the cameras in here stopped functioning, but that could just be a secondary effect. I'm trying to find the power source."
Jack pulled up a stool, scowling when he had to stretch farther than usual to reach it. Sam barely gave him a glance.
"I don't suppose they used Energizer, then."
Sam smiled. "Doesn't look like it. But if I can take a look at whatever they did use...we could really use a long-lasting power source this small."
Jack peered over her shoulder. "How will you know when you find it?"
Sam pointed to a monitor hooked up on the far end of her desk. "That's set up on the feed. If it goes off again, I'll have isolated the source."
Jack looked into the monitor and saw that it was showing them sitting behind Sam's table. He moved back and forth and watched his image mirror him.
"That is just too weird."
"What is, sir?"
Jack gestured toward the screen. Sam followed his gaze and then turned to him, raising her eyebrow.
Jack sighed. "This, Carter!" He motioned toward himself. "It's still weird! And no one seems to notice anymore. Janet told me today that I'll just have to wait for it to wear off. And that's if it wears off at all. For all we know, it could be permanent!"
Sam looked startled. "I didn't realize it was bothering you so much."
"Yeah, well." Jack settled back on his stool, tipping it back a little. "My center of gravity is all screwed up, I've gotten to know more about women in the last few days than I ever wanted to know in my whole life, and yesterday an airman hit on me before his buddy clued him in."
Sam stifled a grin, but put down her tools. "Sir..."
But Jack was finished. He shook his head. "Forget I said anything, Carter."
After a long moment, in which Jack's jaw set determinedly, she nodded and went back to poking at the device in front of her. Almost immediately, the monitor screen crackled and snow replaced the picture.
"Finally!" Sam exclaimed. She said, "Now for the tweezers...where did I leave them?" She started rifling through the items on top of the desk. Jack spotted them behind her on the counter.
He leaned backward behind Sam and grabbed them, but overbalanced and toppled, taking Sam with him. They landed in a heap on the floor, with Jack mostly on top.
Jack swore. "Sorry, Carter."
Sam took a couple of breaths. "I'm okay, sir. Just got the wind knocked out of me."
"Talk about your cliches" he said ruefully. Still, Sam's legs were tangled in his, her breath brushing his cheek, and his arms were bent, leaving his face only inches from hers.
She smelled really, really good.
He leaned closer.
Just before his lips touched hers, she said, "Sir..."
He pulled back abruptly. "Shit." How could he have been so stupid? That kind of thing wasn't supposed to happen.
Sam looked embarrassed. "Sir, it's not...I mean...its just..." she waved her hands helplessly.
Jack sat back, and Sam scooted out from underneath him. He sighed. "I know, Carter. In the room."
Sam's cheeks got redder. "That's not exactly what I meant, sir."
Now Jack was curious. He gave Sam a questioning look.
She gestured again. "It's, well, ah...you're not exactly yourself, still. Sir."
It took him a minute, but he got there. "Oh. Oh!" Now it was his turn to blush--and he did blush, which he was going to swear was a result of his altered state. "Right. Um...I'm just gonna. Leave. And...do something." He stood up.
Sam grabbed the tweezers from the floor where they'd fallen and got up, too.
She said, "I'll...see you later, then."
Jack nodded sharply and left as quickly as his legs would carry him. Halfway down the hall, a thought struck him. He turned around and poked his head back into the lab.
"Hey, Carter?"
Sam's head jerked up.
"Rain check?"
Sam blinked, then grinned. "Sure, sir. I think I'll...work on this project another day." She gave a significant glance toward the monitor, and Jack caught the implication.
"Right then. Some other time."
And he left, sauntering down the hall and attempting to learn how to whistle with lips that weren't quite what he was used to.
General Hammond greeted them as they stepped down from the metal grating. "Where's Colonel O'Neill?"
Inexplicably, Daniel snickered. Sam gave him a glare. Teal'c raised an eyebrow.
Teal'c answered for them. "O'Neill was reluctant to return."
Hammond frowned and opened his mouth to speak.
Just before he said anything, another figure stepped through the 'gate.
She was wearing BDU's that looked just slightly too big for her, and her boots made clomping noises as if her feet were loose inside. Her hair was short for a woman, and peppered with grey. Her face was lined, slightly, as if she spent a lot of time...not smiling. As she came down the ramp, Hammond nearly gave the order for the SFs to get ready, but something in her eyes made him pause.
"Jack?" he said incredulously.
Daniel snickered again.
Jack glared. "General. We have a problem." His--her--voice was still gruff, but much higher than normal.
Everyone in the room had dropped any pretense of not staring.
Hammond shook his head, opened his mouth to say something, and stopped. He sighed. "You better go to the infirmary."
Jack looked resigned. "Ya think?"
*_*_*_*_*
Half an hour later, Janet was busy running tests and SG-1 was gathered in the briefing room.
Daniel was filling in the story while Jack twirled a pen absently, scowling at the polished wood.
"...so, the inhabitants refer to this as a great blessing, and they assured me it was a temporary thing."
Jack raised his head. "It better be. This is...uncomfortable."
Daniel said, "Yes, well, Geran seemed to think that this...change...would last for several days. Maybe weeks. According to him, no one's been "honored" this way for generations. It's really fascinating--their most revered poet of the last century had apparently had this happen to her and wrote many works about the experience. She said it was quite unique."
Sam said, "Just think, sir. This could be a once in a lifetime opportunity to--"
"Ah!" Jack raised his hand, "Carter, if you so much as reference "What Women Want," I'm going to demote you."
Carter subsided. Teal'c said, "I thought that was a most enjoyable movie, O'Neill."
Jack stared. For that matter, so did Hammond.
Hammond finally spoke up. "Okay. I'm gonna have to confine you to base, Colonel, until you return to normal. And, I suppose we'll have to...work around this, somehow."
Jack looked unhappy.
"I'm sure Janet will do everything possible to speed up your recovery. Dismissed."
*_*_*_*_*
Over the next six days, the base gradually got used to seeing Jack ("If I so much as hear someone say the name Jacqueline in my presence I'll kick their ass.") barking orders and generally skulking around. In fact, by the seventh day, people were so used to his appearance that Sam's assistant barely even gave him a second glance as she passed him in the hall. And that, Jack suspected, was mostly because his hair, while perfectly normal on a man, was too short, even for the most daring women. He was actually a little concerned about that. And more concerned he was concerned.
He entered Sam's lab.
"Sending your assistants home but not going yourself, I see."
Sam looked up. "Sir! I was just finishing--"
"Yeah, yeah. Save it for someone you can still fool. What'cha up to, Carter?"
Sam pointed to a piece of equipment in front of her. "This is a jamming device. At least, we *think* it's a jamming device. When it was on earlier the cameras in here stopped functioning, but that could just be a secondary effect. I'm trying to find the power source."
Jack pulled up a stool, scowling when he had to stretch farther than usual to reach it. Sam barely gave him a glance.
"I don't suppose they used Energizer, then."
Sam smiled. "Doesn't look like it. But if I can take a look at whatever they did use...we could really use a long-lasting power source this small."
Jack peered over her shoulder. "How will you know when you find it?"
Sam pointed to a monitor hooked up on the far end of her desk. "That's set up on the feed. If it goes off again, I'll have isolated the source."
Jack looked into the monitor and saw that it was showing them sitting behind Sam's table. He moved back and forth and watched his image mirror him.
"That is just too weird."
"What is, sir?"
Jack gestured toward the screen. Sam followed his gaze and then turned to him, raising her eyebrow.
Jack sighed. "This, Carter!" He motioned toward himself. "It's still weird! And no one seems to notice anymore. Janet told me today that I'll just have to wait for it to wear off. And that's if it wears off at all. For all we know, it could be permanent!"
Sam looked startled. "I didn't realize it was bothering you so much."
"Yeah, well." Jack settled back on his stool, tipping it back a little. "My center of gravity is all screwed up, I've gotten to know more about women in the last few days than I ever wanted to know in my whole life, and yesterday an airman hit on me before his buddy clued him in."
Sam stifled a grin, but put down her tools. "Sir..."
But Jack was finished. He shook his head. "Forget I said anything, Carter."
After a long moment, in which Jack's jaw set determinedly, she nodded and went back to poking at the device in front of her. Almost immediately, the monitor screen crackled and snow replaced the picture.
"Finally!" Sam exclaimed. She said, "Now for the tweezers...where did I leave them?" She started rifling through the items on top of the desk. Jack spotted them behind her on the counter.
He leaned backward behind Sam and grabbed them, but overbalanced and toppled, taking Sam with him. They landed in a heap on the floor, with Jack mostly on top.
Jack swore. "Sorry, Carter."
Sam took a couple of breaths. "I'm okay, sir. Just got the wind knocked out of me."
"Talk about your cliches" he said ruefully. Still, Sam's legs were tangled in his, her breath brushing his cheek, and his arms were bent, leaving his face only inches from hers.
She smelled really, really good.
He leaned closer.
Just before his lips touched hers, she said, "Sir..."
He pulled back abruptly. "Shit." How could he have been so stupid? That kind of thing wasn't supposed to happen.
Sam looked embarrassed. "Sir, it's not...I mean...its just..." she waved her hands helplessly.
Jack sat back, and Sam scooted out from underneath him. He sighed. "I know, Carter. In the room."
Sam's cheeks got redder. "That's not exactly what I meant, sir."
Now Jack was curious. He gave Sam a questioning look.
She gestured again. "It's, well, ah...you're not exactly yourself, still. Sir."
It took him a minute, but he got there. "Oh. Oh!" Now it was his turn to blush--and he did blush, which he was going to swear was a result of his altered state. "Right. Um...I'm just gonna. Leave. And...do something." He stood up.
Sam grabbed the tweezers from the floor where they'd fallen and got up, too.
She said, "I'll...see you later, then."
Jack nodded sharply and left as quickly as his legs would carry him. Halfway down the hall, a thought struck him. He turned around and poked his head back into the lab.
"Hey, Carter?"
Sam's head jerked up.
"Rain check?"
Sam blinked, then grinned. "Sure, sir. I think I'll...work on this project another day." She gave a significant glance toward the monitor, and Jack caught the implication.
"Right then. Some other time."
And he left, sauntering down the hall and attempting to learn how to whistle with lips that weren't quite what he was used to.
But really, I'll take at least one prompt from anyone who cares to give it.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-06-07 08:11 am (UTC)From:As for prompts...it's four in the morning. My brain is insisting that just....touching is a decent prompt.
My brain is LAME without sleep.
no subject
Date: 2007-06-07 03:19 pm (UTC)From:Touching. I'm on it.
no subject
Date: 2007-06-07 08:50 am (UTC)From:*giggles* Oh, I can just see it. Funny!
Ah, cliches... I do love 'em.
Prompt... *looks in ideas file* How about... nah... or... nah... Wow, what a lot of horrible ideas I've had.
How about a completely-the-wrong-time-of-year-for-this-prompt of something about Sam's birthday being December 29th - right between Christmas and New Year. (I'm not making that up: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v519/Alan-WK/ScreencaptureofSamanthaCartersPerso.jpg)
no subject
Date: 2007-06-07 03:20 pm (UTC)From:Hmmm...I'll have to think about that one.
no subject
Date: 2007-06-07 11:05 am (UTC)From:Guitar.
But it can't involve any major character playing a guitar. And it especially can't have Sam pining in a corner marvelling over Jack's amazing singing voice as he ministers in song to offworld orphans. Cause that would suck.
no subject
Date: 2007-06-07 11:25 am (UTC)From:No it wouldn't! Write this! ;D
no subject
Date: 2007-06-07 03:17 pm (UTC)From:Actually...
Sam wasn't sure what was wrong with her. She was sure there was, but she couldn't quite make it out, the same way that she hadn't quite been able to find her way around their tent the last time she'd stolen Daniel's glasses.
She sniffed again. Damn it! This was, this was...
Tears welled up in her normally beautiful, clear blue eyes. She *never* cried. Ever. And certainly not over songs.
Well, except that god-awful Christmas shoes one. She hated that song, but it made her cry *every* time.
A small, tiny, rational corner of her brain was telling her that Jack's singing *was* enough to make her cry, but she was pretty sure she wasn't listening to that corner, because she thought he sounded...
...good.
Really good.
(She was also pretty sure that whatever he was singing wasn't the Christmas shoes song, as it sounded decidedly upbeat.)
Now worried, she started thinking that maybe there had been something in that drink earlier, but all her thoughts melted away as Jack struck a particularly beautiful/horrid note that made the twenty or so orphans around him shriek in gleeful terror.
It was just. so. sexy.
There was something profoundly wrong with her.
Sam finally burst into tears, putting an end to the improptu song session, and Jack ended up having to carry her back through the 'gate to Dr. Fraiser, who gave her something that made her feel much better and thankfully ignored the incoherent babbling coming out of her mouth.
Until the next day when she could be properly embarrassed, of course.
no subject
Date: 2007-06-07 03:21 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2007-06-07 03:43 pm (UTC)From:A small, tiny, rational corner of her brain was telling her that Jack's singing *was* enough to make her cry
*snort*
no subject
Date: 2007-06-07 05:15 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2007-06-07 06:24 pm (UTC)From:That thought was pretty awesome, actually. Poor Sam and her general helplessness :p
no subject
Date: 2007-06-07 07:02 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2007-06-07 11:29 am (UTC)From:"Ah!" Jack raised his hand, "Carter, if you so much as reference "What Women Want," I'm going to demote you."
Carter subsided. Teal'c said, "I thought that was a most enjoyable movie, O'Neill."
Jack stared. For that matter, so did Hammond.
Gotta love that part! Teal'c and the chic flicks! *smirks some more*
As for prompts, here's a few:
"The meaning of life is that it stops" - Franz Kafka
and/or
"It's about time that this world goes up in flames" - 'Starsign', Apoptygma Berzerk
no subject
Date: 2007-06-07 12:49 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2007-06-07 03:22 pm (UTC)From:;-)
no subject
Date: 2007-06-07 03:02 pm (UTC)From:Thanks for the giggle.
no subject
Date: 2007-06-07 03:23 pm (UTC)From:I could practically see her face, myself. And Jack totally would've been clueless, I think.
no subject
Date: 2007-06-07 03:18 pm (UTC)From:I especially liked the fact that Teal'c's a fan of what women want :p.
There is nothing wrong with genderswap fics as long as they poke fun at the ridiculousness of the concept :D
no subject
Date: 2007-06-07 03:28 pm (UTC)From:I love the fanon that says Teal'c is a fan of chick flicks. Makes me giggle every time.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-23 11:19 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2008-02-24 10:28 pm (UTC)From:Gotta love the crack. Thanks for reading!
no subject
Date: 2008-05-01 12:44 pm (UTC)From:I'm at the other end of the women, how we suffer, scale, as I thought I'd slid thru menopause with few problems, only to have hot flashes start a year after my periods stopped (that part is the GOOD part of menopause--after 40 years, it was so good to no longer have to deal with having periods).
My gyn told me they'd probably only last a few months. Wrong-o! She is 5 years younger, and now she is having them, too, now. After well over a year, mine are at least lessening, and she is probably learning her lesson on what to tell menopausal women--don't go by the books, go by what women tell you. My older friends say the hot flashes go on for many years. Joy, joy.
I do hope you feel better soon, and that this will not be something you'll have to deal with again. Really horrible pain sounds as if it needs medical attention, though.
Good luck, and thanks for the funny story!
Melissa M.
no subject
Date: 2008-05-01 02:42 pm (UTC)From:All the women I know who have had or are having hot flashes have had them for a long time. Not fun--though someone told me yesterday that she prefers hot flashes to cramps.
So that's something, I guess.
no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 12:13 am (UTC)From:Melissa M.