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New story! I thought it would be fun to try a dialogue-only piece. This started as, “Let’s trap Sam and Jack in a cave and have them make out!” What came out is decidedly not smut, and not even particularly shippy, although if you squint hard enough at the ending you might catch a glimpse of white sails in the distance.
Title: Law of Averages
Fandom: Stargate
Genre: Humor
Rating: PG
Characters: Jack, Sam
“Well, I know Murphy’s Law works for real people, too. It’s a cliché, but it’s a cliché for a reason. But honestly, doesn’t it seem as if we’re always having anything and everything go wrong at just the worst possible moment?”
“Sir, you make it sound as if there’s a higher being out to get us.”
“Think about it: Goa’uld. Antarctica. Black Holes. Aliens trying to destroy the world on a regular basis. Suspiciously inconvenient cave-ins, such as this lovely one today. What makes you think there isn’t?”
“On the other hand, we always seem to come out of any situation all right, with the world intact, and always manage to be in the right spot at the most essential point in time.”
“Hmmmm.”
“It could…”
“Carter?”
“Well, sir, if we’re going with the popular theories, we could be living out our very own version of the law of averages. Maybe we have to have all these inconvenient, bad, and ridiculous things happen to us so we can take care of the important stuff.”
“Sort of like cosmic karma?”
“Not quite, sir. It’s more like…nobody can get too big a piece of the pie.”
“So it all evens our in the end?”
“You could put it that way, sir.”
“Well, that kind of sucks. I could definitely see some practical joker sitting up there, saying, ‘SG-1 has to save the world again in three months, better make sure Jack gets a flat tire today.’ Come to think of it, it explains our universal lack of personal lives.”
“It does sort of explain my bad luck with…”
“With?”
“Oh, well, I was going to say ‘with men,’ sir.”
…
“Doesn’t explain why ‘The Simpsons’ is still on the air, though.”
“No, sir, it doesn’t.”
“Really, though, I would rather have flat tires than no Homer.”
“If you say so, sir.”
“Presuming this law works, would you pick something else to give up?”
“Carter?”
“Sorry, sir. I was just thinking. I think…I’d rather keep what I’ve got, sir.”
…
“Me, too.”
Title: Law of Averages
Fandom: Stargate
Genre: Humor
Rating: PG
Characters: Jack, Sam
“Carter, do you ever feel as if we are stuck in a cliché?”
“What do you mean, sir?”
“What do you mean, sir?”
“Well, I know Murphy’s Law works for real people, too. It’s a cliché, but it’s a cliché for a reason. But honestly, doesn’t it seem as if we’re always having anything and everything go wrong at just the worst possible moment?”
“Sir, you make it sound as if there’s a higher being out to get us.”
“Think about it: Goa’uld. Antarctica. Black Holes. Aliens trying to destroy the world on a regular basis. Suspiciously inconvenient cave-ins, such as this lovely one today. What makes you think there isn’t?”
“On the other hand, we always seem to come out of any situation all right, with the world intact, and always manage to be in the right spot at the most essential point in time.”
“Hmmmm.”
“It could…”
“Carter?”
“Well, sir, if we’re going with the popular theories, we could be living out our very own version of the law of averages. Maybe we have to have all these inconvenient, bad, and ridiculous things happen to us so we can take care of the important stuff.”
“Sort of like cosmic karma?”
“Not quite, sir. It’s more like…nobody can get too big a piece of the pie.”
“So it all evens our in the end?”
“You could put it that way, sir.”
“Well, that kind of sucks. I could definitely see some practical joker sitting up there, saying, ‘SG-1 has to save the world again in three months, better make sure Jack gets a flat tire today.’ Come to think of it, it explains our universal lack of personal lives.”
“It does sort of explain my bad luck with…”
“With?”
“Oh, well, I was going to say ‘with men,’ sir.”
…
“Doesn’t explain why ‘The Simpsons’ is still on the air, though.”
“No, sir, it doesn’t.”
“Really, though, I would rather have flat tires than no Homer.”
“If you say so, sir.”
“Presuming this law works, would you pick something else to give up?”
“Carter?”
“Sorry, sir. I was just thinking. I think…I’d rather keep what I’ve got, sir.”
…
“Me, too.”
