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I am taking only partial blame for this. This not-ficlet is dedicated to the hardworking people on the Dragon*Con Stargate track, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
splash_the_cat, who brought this to my attention, and most especially beanpot, who had a lousy day yesterday and could use a little crackfic in her life.
Title: Super Sekret Stargate Ponies
Category: Horror, Crackfic, Gen
Amount which I am sorry: Much, much more than you can imagine.
"Oh, hell no," Sam said, looking out over a field that looked more like a carefully manicured park, all gentle, rolling hills and bright green freshly-mowed grass under a brilliant blue sky.
"Whoa," Cam said, staggering a little on this side of the 'gate. "Technicolor. Cool."
"No, not cool," Sam said, tugging Cam to the side as Vala, Daniel, and Teal'c stepped through.
"--Thursday's no good--whoa."
That was Daniel. Vala just gaped. Even Teal'c looked a little stunned.
"We need to go back," Sam said, eyeing the still-open 'gate. "Now."
The 'gate shut off obligingly, and Sam reached for the DHD, only to recoil as if she'd been burned.
"What's so bad about this place?" Daniel asked. "It looks nice."
"Really nice," Cam added.
"Very nice," Vala agreed.
"Too nice," Teal'c said.
Daniel blinked at the perfect, brilliant colors around them, and then shuddered. "I think Sam's right. We should go."
Sam gestured at the DHD. "We have a problem."
Cam and Vala exchanged a curious look as the other three crowded around the DHD.
"That's...not right," Daniel said. The ordinary 'gate symbols were gone, replaced with bright painted hearts and rainbows and stars. He reached out to touch one, but Sam grabbed his hand.
"I don't think that's a good idea," she said, and Daniel went very still and then nodded.
"Guys?" Vala called, "We have company."
Over one of the rolling hills, they could just make out--
"It's a pony!" Vala said, clearly delighted.
"Oh, crap," Cam said. The more of the pony that came into view, the more nervous he looked, and with reason.
"Colonel Carter, that animal is an unnatural color," Teal'c said.
"It's pink! A pink pony! And it's adorable!" Vala again, who was now practically bouncing with excitement.
"Jackson!" Cam shouted. "Hit those symbols now!"
Daniel looked back at the painted DHD. "I don't think I can translate this."
"Just do it! Anywhere is better than here." Cam brought up his P-90, trained it on the pony that was getting cuter and cuter the closer it got.
Daniel punched in seven of the symbols. Nothing happened.
The pony came right up to Vala and stopped. "Hi! My name is Peachy Pie, and I want to be your friend!"
At Peachy Pie's words, everyone relaxed. Cam dropped his gun, getting a very goofy look on his face. "Aren't you just the cutest thing," he said in his thickest drawl. Peachy Pie giggled, and Cam reached out to touch her mane.
Vala wasn't far behind, crowding onto the other side of the pale pink pony. Even Daniel looked a little stunned, although Teal'c and Sam both appeared to be struggling to stay away from the pony.
That lasted until Sam was bumped from behind.
"I'm Wondermint!" Sam turned and looked directly into the soft blue eyes of a white pony with a fushia mane and tail. She got the same slack look on her face as the others, and threw her arms around the pony's neck.
"Let's take you to meet our friends!" Wondermint said. She nudged at Teal'c who smiled back. and followed her and Sam as they moved off to the left of the 'gate.
"Wait..." Daniel said slowly. "Don't we have to... go somewhere?"
"Home," Sam said dreamily, her fingers still buried in Wondermint's mane.
"This is your home now!" Peachy Pie giggled.
The members of SG-1 nodded. This was their home now. Now they remembered.
"We have plans for you!" Wondermint said. Peachy Pie giggled again.
"Some of our sisters are mean!"
"You'll help us defeat them!"
"I won't let anyone hurt you, Peachy Pie," Vala said.
"That's right! Because we're friends!"
"Friends," SG-1 echoed, and they left behind the 'gate and wandered across the green, green grass while in front of them, the two ponies led the way.
Please, please don't kill me.
EDIT: NOW WITH COMMENT FIC BYsupplyship, in which Jack saves them all from horrible pony doom!
splash_the_cat, who brought this to my attention, and most especially beanpot, who had a lousy day yesterday and could use a little crackfic in her life.Title: Super Sekret Stargate Ponies
Category: Horror, Crackfic, Gen
Amount which I am sorry: Much, much more than you can imagine.
"Oh, hell no," Sam said, looking out over a field that looked more like a carefully manicured park, all gentle, rolling hills and bright green freshly-mowed grass under a brilliant blue sky.
"Whoa," Cam said, staggering a little on this side of the 'gate. "Technicolor. Cool."
"No, not cool," Sam said, tugging Cam to the side as Vala, Daniel, and Teal'c stepped through.
"--Thursday's no good--whoa."
That was Daniel. Vala just gaped. Even Teal'c looked a little stunned.
"We need to go back," Sam said, eyeing the still-open 'gate. "Now."
The 'gate shut off obligingly, and Sam reached for the DHD, only to recoil as if she'd been burned.
"What's so bad about this place?" Daniel asked. "It looks nice."
"Really nice," Cam added.
"Very nice," Vala agreed.
"Too nice," Teal'c said.
Daniel blinked at the perfect, brilliant colors around them, and then shuddered. "I think Sam's right. We should go."
Sam gestured at the DHD. "We have a problem."
Cam and Vala exchanged a curious look as the other three crowded around the DHD.
"That's...not right," Daniel said. The ordinary 'gate symbols were gone, replaced with bright painted hearts and rainbows and stars. He reached out to touch one, but Sam grabbed his hand.
"I don't think that's a good idea," she said, and Daniel went very still and then nodded.
"Guys?" Vala called, "We have company."
Over one of the rolling hills, they could just make out--
"It's a pony!" Vala said, clearly delighted.
"Oh, crap," Cam said. The more of the pony that came into view, the more nervous he looked, and with reason.
"Colonel Carter, that animal is an unnatural color," Teal'c said.
"It's pink! A pink pony! And it's adorable!" Vala again, who was now practically bouncing with excitement.
"Jackson!" Cam shouted. "Hit those symbols now!"
Daniel looked back at the painted DHD. "I don't think I can translate this."
"Just do it! Anywhere is better than here." Cam brought up his P-90, trained it on the pony that was getting cuter and cuter the closer it got.
Daniel punched in seven of the symbols. Nothing happened.
The pony came right up to Vala and stopped. "Hi! My name is Peachy Pie, and I want to be your friend!"
At Peachy Pie's words, everyone relaxed. Cam dropped his gun, getting a very goofy look on his face. "Aren't you just the cutest thing," he said in his thickest drawl. Peachy Pie giggled, and Cam reached out to touch her mane.
Vala wasn't far behind, crowding onto the other side of the pale pink pony. Even Daniel looked a little stunned, although Teal'c and Sam both appeared to be struggling to stay away from the pony.
That lasted until Sam was bumped from behind.
"I'm Wondermint!" Sam turned and looked directly into the soft blue eyes of a white pony with a fushia mane and tail. She got the same slack look on her face as the others, and threw her arms around the pony's neck.
"Let's take you to meet our friends!" Wondermint said. She nudged at Teal'c who smiled back. and followed her and Sam as they moved off to the left of the 'gate.
"Wait..." Daniel said slowly. "Don't we have to... go somewhere?"
"Home," Sam said dreamily, her fingers still buried in Wondermint's mane.
"This is your home now!" Peachy Pie giggled.
The members of SG-1 nodded. This was their home now. Now they remembered.
"We have plans for you!" Wondermint said. Peachy Pie giggled again.
"Some of our sisters are mean!"
"You'll help us defeat them!"
"I won't let anyone hurt you, Peachy Pie," Vala said.
"That's right! Because we're friends!"
"Friends," SG-1 echoed, and they left behind the 'gate and wandered across the green, green grass while in front of them, the two ponies led the way.
Please, please don't kill me.
EDIT: NOW WITH COMMENT FIC BY
supplyship, in which Jack saves them all from horrible pony doom!
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Date: 2011-03-08 04:13 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2011-03-08 06:13 pm (UTC)From: