holdouttrout | March Madness, Strikes, I would never write meme

My office is not betting on the ourcome of the March Madness brackets, but we did all fill them out. For not knowing ANY of the teams, I'm not doing too badly, so far. *grins* I've got 14 wins, and no one seems to think I'm *too* stupid with my picks. Yet.

I er...think the idea of a strike today is kinda ridiculous. Plus, it's FRIDAY. Come on, people--nobody posts enough on Fridays in the first place.

I also updated my website with all the fic I'd written between November 2007 and now. There...wasn't as much as there should have been. Although there was quite a nice bit of porn. And two LONGish fics. So that's alright. I added a "Smut and Mature" fics page and a "Long Fics" page. I'm very haphazard about the whole thing, but it works for me. Still gotta think about actual webspace and er...coming up with something a little more organized.

I want to do the "I will never write" meme again. So, comment and give me something--ANYTHING--you think I'd never ever write. I can't guarantee that it won't be crackfic, but...I don't think y'all would mind too much. *g* Er...feel free to give me a pairing and/or a prompt. And break OTPs. If you wish.

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Um, is that sort of like a 'I challenge you to write...' thing?

I was going to challenge you to write Sam/Daniel pr0n for me, but

abyssinia4077's poll reminded me of something I can challenge you to write that won't stomp all over your OTP.

Daniel/Daria Voronkova - The Russian officer from Full Alert

Edit: I forgot to mention that Precioussss arrived late yesterday. Pictures later! Whee!
But if you feel *inspired* to write Sam/Daniel pr0n, I won't complain ;)

(Just remember...you gave me a challenge. And yes, it ends abruptly...I'll have to do them ~~again~~ more justice someday. Also, YAY precioussness!)

Sam was more relaxed than she'd ever been, and while she knew that was partly due to the drugs she'd accidentally been exposed to, she didn't particularly care. Teal'c and the Colonel were gone to get help and Daniel was stammering his way through an convoluted litany of societies that had ritualized drug use. Sam had lain back against her huge, soft pillow and let Daniel's words wash over her, not paying any attention to what he was saying, but enjoying the sound of his voice.

Now, however, she was a little bored. She propped herself up on one elbow and watched Daniel as he carefully avoided looking at her.

"There are also the tribes of--"

"I think we should have sex," Sam interrupted.

Daniel blinked. "Uh, Sam--that's--"

"Daniel--" Sam sat up, the motion making her a bit dizzy, and she toppled over again. Whoops. She tried again, to better effect.

"Daniel," she said again, "If you're as turned on as I am, we should definitely have sex."

Daniel gulped. He was interested; Sam could see that. She grinned and crawled over to his pillow, supporting herself with one hand on either side of his hips. She could feel how warm he was. He smelled a little sweaty from their walk here, but more like the spicy incense these people used, and she just knew he'd taste like the fruit they'd had for dessert, right before the cup had been passed around.

Just before she kissed him, he pulled back. "This really isn't a good--"

Sam lost her balance and fell forward, on top of Daniel, who fell backwards into his own pillow.

"Ooomph," Daniel said.

Sam tried to push herself back up, but the way the pillow sloped made it difficult, and she ended up only managing to get one knee planted between Daniel's legs.

Daniel hissed. Sam paused and then hitched up her hips a little, grinding into him.

Daniel groaned.

Sam grinned. Definitely interested. She gave up trying to get off, and instead just arranged herself so she could properly reach Daniel's mouth.

She had been right. He tasted wonderful, and despite his protests, was kissing her back. Nice. She dragged at his shirt, pulling it free from his pants, sliding her hands over his chest as she went to pull it off, eliciting a gasp and a "But the others--"

"It'll take them a while," Sam said, tackling his belt, next. She managed to loosen it and unbutton the pants underneath before Daniel finally decided that this way a good idea, moving his hands underneath her shirt, helping her sit up so she could get undressed and he could finish kicking off his pants.

Sam was naked and kneeling in front of Daniel, who was looking at her like--she shivered a little and climbed back up to straddle him, his hard length pressing against her as she leaned into his warm mouth, his fingers digging into her hips.

She reached down, guided him to her opening and slowly took him in, all her earlier clumsiness gone, the drug worn off, and Daniel's eyes on hers because he realized it, too. He reached for her, then, his hand against her as she moved over him, his fingers as patient as his eyes, and this was no longer about boredom or drugs but about them.

"Sam," Daniel said softly, his fingers dragging across her clit, and the tightness in her body snapped, leaving her shuddering against him as he thrust into her. She pressed her body to his and he came while Sam was still breathless.

Wow! Fabulousness! I adore it and will treasure it!

I love how they realized the drug had worn off and went ahead anyway ;)

And The Curse is playing and it's somehow really appropriate! I love Sam and Daniel's friendship in this ep!

You are very welcome. I think Sam and Daniel are extremely likely to realize that they just love each other someday. *g* ("When did this happen?" "No idea." "Okay.")

Jeez, I don't know. You're pretty willing to try most things! (Which is awesome, btw!)

Sam ends up with ~~Cam~~ someone else, but not by default because Jack doesn't want her. He actually does, and he's bitter.

Or, you know. MPREG!

Well, the MPEG I did below for Julie (sort of), so I'll attempt to do a decent job at the Sam/someone else fic.

:-)

It's just a little ficlet, but here you go:

It was a slip, although it was something that only someone who'd known Carter for a long time would have caught.

A simple touch, and of the few people who saw it, only Jack caught its significance, saw the way her fingers slid just so down his arm--down Mitchell's arm, and wasn't that just--

He cut himself off and turned his head sharply, looking for Daniel or Teal'c or anybody else, really. A "small retirement party" for someone or another had happened to coincide with one of Jack's rare visits. He'd thought it would be good to stop by, informally, but really it was just damn awkward. Every time he saw Daniel and Vala arguing, or Mitchell and Carter laughing together, it just reminded him how much things had changed, and not in the ways he expected.

"General O'Neill, sir!"

Jack turned. Mitchell stood behind him, grinning. Carter had moved, and Jack saw that she'd managed to find Daniel and Vala. He glared at Mitchell, who didn't notice at all.

"Are you enjoying the party, sir?"

Jack managed to churn out a sort of grimace and a slightly sarcastic, "Am I ever," which made Mitchell chuckle. Jack attempted to look completely at ease so he wouldn't have to fill any awkward silences. Thankfully, Carolyn Lam came up behind Mitchell and commanded his attention, leaving Jack alone in the middle of the room again.

The sound of Carter's laugh reached him, and he took a gulp of his punch, deciding he'd been present long enough. He crumpled the cup as he reached the doorway and tossed it into the garbage can.

"Leaving already, sir?" said a soft voice behind his ear. Jack flinched and turned, slowly, unhitching his shoulders just a little.

"Oh, you know me, Carter. Never really cared for these kinds of things."

Carter grinned. "No, sir."

A technician gave them a nod and they parted to let him through the door, Sam moving over to Jack's side once he'd passed. Old habits died hard.

"So..." Carter rocked on her heels. "Anything new?"

Jack looked out at the crowd, taking in the familiar and unfamiliar faces. He felt a flash of the anger he wasn't dwelling on right now. "Nope."

Carter gave him a puzzled look. He'd broken the pattern, hadn't given her a comment to grin at.

He said, "You?" He couldn't help it--an edge crept into his voice and he caught her eye, saw the moment her eyes widened. It was almost imperceptible, but Jack knew she'd somehow heard the knowledge in his voice.

"How did you--" she cut herself off, another straggler coming through the doorway. When he was past, she shook her head. "Sir, I--"

"Carter." He didn't want an explanation.

Now the silence was awkward where it had been friendly, at least on her part. She was frowning, and Jack wished he hadn't slipped--that he'd been able to keep things the same.

He watched Mitchell turn toward them, catch Sam's eye and smile, and he knew without looking at Sam that she would be smiling back. He moved behind her, slipped out the door.

Then again, things were already different. All he would be doing was pretending.

Guh! Now that was amazing. You did that very well. *sighs* And that is SO bitter!Jack.

Thank you! Annerb and I were talking last night, and I said that I really didn't like the idea of Sam with Cam because it seems like such a slap in the face to Jack--like he wasn't worth it but Cam was. On the other hand, I feel like that makes me a rabid shipper. ;-)

See, and I felt sort of the same way with Jack/Kerry in season 8. I kind of wanted Sam to kick him in the nads at one point. Stupid OTP. Not so cute at that point.

Ah, yes. Well, honestly...Jack/Kerry was after she'd started with Pete, but Gah! Yes. (I mean, he never even let her know that he'd be willing, and okay, maybe she wouldn't be, but...STILL!)

Cam becomes the gestational surrogate for Sam and Vala's triplets. And Daniel and Cam get trapped in a supply closet, and Cam goes into labor, and Daniel is the one who has to deliver the babies. But then Janet Descends from her heretofore unknown Ascension to talk him through it, and they all live happily ever after.

Except Cam, who never actually really thought about how the babies were going to come out.

THE END.

But....you just wrote it for me!

HAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, Cam. You just didn't realize what you were in for...

...I LOVE YOUR BRAIN!

I would pay (maybe not real money) to read that crack!fic.

Oooh, now *that's* gotta hurt! And Triplets!

Bwah-hah!

Cam screamed and tightened his grip on Daniel's finger as another contraction hit. As it loosened its hold on his body, he panted and let out expletives with each breath.

Daniel tried to flex his fingers, but Cam wasn't letting go again, and Daniel didn't feel like pressing the issue. He said, "Er...Are you doing okay?"

Cam grunted, glaring at him.

"How do you think I'm doing, Jackson? I'm giving birth to triplets, and God didn't exactly give me the right eq--" Another wave of pain contorted his features. When it was over, he collapsed back against the wall of the storage closet. "Fuck. For this, they better let me watch!"

Daniel was beginning to get a bit nervous. He'd helped deliver two other babies before, but this was--

This was different.

Cam screamed again, and this time Daniel felt himself get lightheaded from the pressure on his fingers--he could see the world washing out and everything.

Funny--he was still upright. Usually when he fainted it went a lot more quickly...

The light grew stronger and stronger, and finally coalesced into a familiar shape.

Daniel blinked.

"Janet?"

She was dressed in a dazzling white lab coat, and was a little...sparkly.

"You're sparkly," Cam said faintly.

Janet glared at Daniel. "Is this your fault?" she asked.

Daniel shook his head. "Sam and Vala."

"I'm their damn surrogate," Cam grunted.

Janet pursed her lips, obviously not entirely happy with this news, but shook it off as Cam screamed again.

"That's impressive," she commented to Daniel, who could no longer feel his hands.

She studied Cam for a few seconds and then reached toward him, her hands white around the edges.

"Wait--" said Daniel, "what about interfering?"

But Janet just smiled and kept reaching, and in a few seconds she was holding a squirming little girl, which she deposited into Daniel's arms, going back for another--this one a boy, and the third, another girl with a shock of dark hair, which she gave to Cam.

"There," she said, starting to unravel around the edges.

"Wait, I--" Daniel started to say, but she was already gone.

The closet door opened, and Sam and Vala came in with worried expressions.

"Are you--" Sam started, and then they spotted the babies.

"Oh," Vala said.

"My," Sam said.

"God," Landry said from just behind them.

Daniel gave a baby each to Sam and Vala, who fell into cooing noises.

"Thank you so much," Sam said to Cam. "And Daniel, for deliv--"

"Wasn't me," Daniel said. "Janet. She ascended."

Sam looked puzzled, but Landry just nodded. He'd known all along, of course.

Cam thrust the last one back toward Daniel, and let his head fall back against the stone wall. "I am never volunteering for anything ever again."

There was nothing about that which was not MADE OF WIN.

*takes a modest bow*

I was going to second

surreallis's mpreg request. Then I saw this. OMG! Crack is Whack but soooo much fun!

Thank you. Thankyouverymuch.

YOU WIN THE INTERNETS OMG!

(the best part was how in character it is for being crack.)

"they'd better let me watch" and Daniel being nervous and Janet and Daniel just...oh, man, this is pure gold!

*loves you*

Ta da! Thank you for all you kind compliments. *g*

Janet glared at Daniel. "Is this your fault?" she asked.
Haha!

So great, ftw!

Thank you! This was mondo fun.

"Oh," Vala said.

"My," Sam said.

"God," Landry said from just behind them.

Oh, the uncontrollable giggles ....

You are awesome.

Thank you! Poor Cam.

Jack as a sekrit computer genius.

Daniel/Landry, and then Lam finds out about it. 0_0

Sam quits everything to take care of Cassie after Janet dies, and then Sam becomes a florist.

Sam moonlights as a lounge singer and the boys find out, and she uses her stage time to declare her love for [insert SG-1 boy name in here] through song!

Cracky enough?

I am *positive* I read the last one already on ff.net.

Dammit!

Well, how about *this* one?

~~Sam~~Jack moonlights as a lounge singer and ~~the boys~~ everyone at the SGC finds out, and ~~she~~ he uses ~~her~~ his stage time to declare ~~her~~ his love for [insert ~~SG-1 boy~~ SGC personnel name here] through song!

I'll give you a cookie if it's Teal'c as the lounge singer.

Bwhaha! That would be *excellent*. How 'bout it, Trout?

You got it. One Teal'c-as-lounge-singer-fic coming up.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I've seen that one too. But the Teal'c idea down thread is priceless. :D

They were dressed up--Vala being of the opinion that something this momentous required more than the usual effort.

Sam knew that Cam and Vala had brought a verve back into SG-1 that had been missing, and so she'd let Vala toss her a slinky red dress and heels. She'd even put on some lipstick and done her hair in soft curls, her hair just long enough to make it worthwhile.

The lights were already dimming, the room hushing to silence as Sam, Cam, Daniel, and Vala slipped into four seats around a small table with a solitary candle in the middle.

A moment of complete silence, and then the band started. Sam recognized the song right away and smiled. She'd always loved Frank Sinatra, just like every woman was supposed to. She loved how his music was almost...conversational. And romantic.

The curtains on stage drew back, revealing the band, but no one was on stage just yet.

How glad the many millions of Annabelles and Lillians
Would be to capture me
But you had such persistence, you wore down my resistance
I fell and it was swell

The soft, low voice came through the speakers, but the audience turned around, trying to figure out where the singer was standing. He was good. Really good. Sam felt herself smiling more broadly and relaxing a bit. She shouldn't have worried after all.

"I really didn't know Teal'c could sing," Vala whispered to Daniel, who hushed her just as the spotlight lit up a curtain near the back, on the other side of the room from where the team was sitting. In the center stood Teal'c, dressed in a wonderful grey suit and wearing a hat, his eyes cast down. He wore a solemn expression Sam had never seen on him before, and she leaned forward to get a better look as he sang the next part.

I'm your big and brave and handsome Romeo
How I won you I shall never never know.
It's not that you're attractive
But, oh, my heart grew active
When you came into view.

As he sang, he looked up, scanning the room but not looking to their corner just yet. Sam could tell that more than a few of the women were entranced by the song, and by the mournful look Teal'c had as he just barely made eye contact with everyone.

I've got a crush on you, sweetie pie
All the day and night-time hear me sigh.
I never had the least notion that
I could fall with so much emotion.

Finally, Teal'c spotted them, and for just an instant, he froze. He hadn't known they knew, hadn't known they'd be there tonight. He looked right at Sam, and an odd look passed between them. Finally, he nodded gravely and continued singing, only now, instead of giving everyone equal attention as he passed, he kept looking at Sam.

Could you coo, could you care
For a cunning cottage we could share?
The world will pardon my mush
'cause I have got a crush on you

Teal'c was drawing nearer, and now he wasn't looking at anybody else. Vala nudged her in the ribs, but Sam wasn't paying attention to her--only to the man looking directly into her eyes, singing words that would have made her laugh on any other day. Only today he seemed to mean them.

Could you coo, could you care
For a cunning cottage
That we could share?
The world will pardon my mush
cause I have got a crush, my baby, on you.

On the final line, he reached out, and Sam took his hand blindly, her heart pounding. Teal'c tugged, pulling her so she was standing, and then reached around her with the arm not holding the mic, leaning forward for a small kiss.

The music stilled, and the room went crazy with applause. All the blood in Sam's body rushed to her head, and Teal'c smiled at her for just a second before turning to the room at large and taking a bow. He gave Sam's hand a squeeze and then headed back up toward the stage slowly.

Sam sank back down slowly into her chair, barely paying attention to the looks her teammates were giving each other.

Finally, Cam cleared his throat. "That was...unexpected."

Sam just nodded faintly. Unexpected, indeed.

Teal'c as Old Blue Eyes!!! And Sam in a slinky red dress, yowza!

It's probably not as cracky as it ought to be, but it's a SONGFIC. :-)

See, now we know what Teal'c was practicing all those years on the Odyssey. *g*

Ha ha ha! I can just see the speakers blaring different music during the long, long days. *g*

I did really good yesterday, but today. Oy. The only good thing is that everyone is doing as bad as me and I know nothing about basketball.

Okay, how about a fic where Teal'c makes chocolate chip cookies on national television because Daniel entered him in a cooking competition.

Wow, I'm kind of scared of my own brain there for a moment.

Cam caught up with Teal'c on level 24. "So...how'd it go?"

Teal'c quirked his lips enigmatically. "We shall see. Tomorrow at 7pm Central."

Cam said, "You're not even going to tell us what happened?"

Teal'c shook his head as he walked away. Everyone seemed most anxious to know the results ahead of time, but he wasn't going to say a thing.

They met at Cam's apartment. Teal'c had started cooking a few months ago and proved to be quite good at it. Most of the teams was happy about the plethora of great-tasting meats, sauces and salads that had crept into their lives, although Jack, when he'd visited last, pouted a bit at being told he couldn't barbecue for them any more. However, even he'd brightened up when Teal'c had brought out the most decadent chocolate cake known to man.

Tonight was no exception--Teal'c had outdone himself with perfectly spicy fajitas and a gaucamole that was to die for.

Everyone was quiet as they ate, except for the occasional, "Oh, god," and "Wow," and Teal'c seemed quite please by their reactions.

Finally, the program came on. The camera scanned across artistically arranged dishes while classical music played. The voiceover announced the contestants. "Tonight three chefs will prepare their favorite dishes and compete for a prize of $5,000 and a new set of cookware for their home kitchens! Antonio Gharad, Jill Rider, and Teal'c...Teal'c! Welcome tonight's contestants!"

The show progressed the usual drama and infighting between the guests, although Teal'c remained calm throughout. Where the other contestants looked frazzled, Teal'c looked like he was having fun.

Finally, the contestants revealed their creations. Antonio had make duck with a glaze that looked amazing, whereas Jill had gone for a traditional french dish. When Teal'c brought his out, even the host of the show was left speechless.

It was a platter of chocolate chip cookies--the most delicate, perfect cookies ever created. But still... compared to the other two entries, it was a little...odd.

The host recovered, but no one in Cam's apartment moved. The judges looked a little non-plussed as well, but...the team leaned forward as each tasted Teal'c's cookies and looked...happy.

There was one more commercial break before they announced the winner.

Teal'c, oblivious to the looks that were being exchanged surreptitiously, said, "The judges seemed most impressed by the flavor and appearance."

No one quite knew what to say to that, so everyone was glad when the commercials were over.

The judges had already critiqued the offerings, so only the reveal remained.

"You know, our judges have made some tough calls before, but this show takes the cake!" the host said. "I got to taste them all over the break, and man--these contestants know their kitchens."

All three contestants beamed into the camera. The host held up an envelope. "Inside this envelope is the name of the winner. But first, I just want to say--We forget sometimes that cooking isn't about how elaborate a meal can be, but about the enjoyment one receives from eating something that is exquisitely prepared. Sometimes the simplest dishes can be out of this world, and Teal'c's contribution to this show definitely reminds me that I need to eat more cookies!"

There was canned laughter, and the host gave a big grin and slit the envelope.

"And the winner is...Antonio Gharad!"

Antonio looked surprised, Jill looked unhappy, and Teal'c smiled serenely as the credits rolled.

In Cam's living room, Teal'c turned the television off, looking completely unruffled.

"Wow," Daniel said, but couldn't think of anything to say.

"I'm sorry, muscles," Vala said, giving Daniel a glare.

Sam said, "I know you must be disappointed--"

Teal'c looked unconcerned. "I am not. Antonio's meal was superb."

"Teal'c," Cam said, hesitating. "You know you could've made something a bit more... elaborate?"

"I did not wish to, Colonel Mitchell. I made the perfect cookies."

Daniel started to say something and then thought better of it. "Teal'c," he said instead. "Do you happen to have any of these cookies around here?"

Teal'c nearly beamed, pulling out a large container from behind his seat. "I brought two dozen."

Perfect! It was just the right amount of crack and the perfect amount of Teal'c awesomeness!

Yay!

I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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the merciful fishiness of my life

March Madness, Strikes, I would never write meme

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